So I'm a day late, but better late than never. Yesterday, Thursday 4th February was 'Time to Talk Day', an campaign led by two of the UK's leading mental health charities. Mind and Rethink Mental Health are using this campaign to fight the stigma that's still attached to mental health. By talking about our emotions, our minds and our feelings, we open ourselves up to others. Yes, some might consider this as making one 'vulnerable' but in my experience, it makes you feel less alone. You learn that there are plenty of people out there who have their own black dog to take to obedience classes!
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| Me and the Mumsie x |
The other evening, I spent some time reading over my old blog posts. If you’ve read them, you might remember that I started writing them almost a year ago when I was in the middle of a battle with the black 'shaggy-haired dog. The blog posts gave me a lot of comfort and actually, I felt the power of the depression and anxiety I was experiencing lessen as I was honest with myself.
I wrote for myself mainly, but also for others as I think it's important to raise awareness of something that's still not talked about enough.
In previous months, I have often thought ‘I should write a blog post about that’ but I never got round to it. I was flying high and had discovered useful ways of keeping Gary the Gremlin firmly in his place. But I knew, and still know, that my mental health is something that I have to be aware of all the time. I don’t mean that I let it define me, but it is a part of me and, in the same way that diabetics manage their condition, I have to learn how to keep my brain and emotions in tip-top condition, and know what steps I need to take to help myself, when I get a case of the ‘wobbles’. Believe me, it's an ongoing job!
So what’s changed? Why have I got off my backside and written this?
My anxiety is sky-high at the moment and I thought this might be a good release for it. I am managing things well, and have taken some remedial steps to try and support myself through this turbulent time. Firstly, I am staying at my ‘care home’ for a while…yes, with my ever-wonderful Mum and Dad, who I can’t actually think about too much at the moment because the strength of their love and support is quite over-whelming! Silly huh?! But whoever said mental wellbeing was straightforward?!
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| My therapist Louise and I |
Secondly, I brought forward my next appointment with my therapist. I have been seeing her regularly for about a year and while I generally see her less frequently now, she is a wonderful sounding board and helps me really focus on the rational stuff. Her support has taught me that, when my brain is spiralling out of control, to take a deep breath and really concentrate on the logical stuff…the stuff that has a firmer foundation, more truth behind it perhaps. And I am trying to do this, but at the moment, I’d like a bit more support.
Thirdly, when colleagues (who I see everyday) ask me how I am, I don’t say ‘oh I’m fine thank you’. No, I tell them honestly that I am feeling rather anxious about something in my personal life at the moment. Two of my senior colleagues know that I experience ‘the wobbles’. In all seriousness, they do know how poor my mental health has been in the past and they have been lovely.
Very few people know what the ‘thing’ in my personal life is that’s causing me to feel this way. That’s how it will stay for a while yet. Rest assured, I’m not ill or in any form of trouble, in fact my logical brain is staying ‘for goodness sake Anna, this is bloody fantastic!’ My illogical brain however is focussing on the ‘what ifs’. Hardly helpful, thank you very much brain.
Lastly, I wanted to put fingers to keyboard again to write this and actually, having re-read my previous posts, I am actually quite a good writer. I think I’m honest, open and throw humour in when I can! I have been told I can be quite modest too...!
Keep talking people.
Axx
