I am a bubbly, clever and funny woman.
I have been described as a ray of sunshine.
Some would call me beautiful.
But there is something about me that few people know.
I suffer from depression and anxiety.
Why me?
I don't know.
Depression and anxiety, when at their worst, are debilitating, self-sufficient illnesses.
They feed off each other.
My brain knows what's rational
But can only focus on the irrational.
I tell myself I'm okay, I'm well-liked and good at my job
All the while crying my eyes out from uncontrollable despair.
'Focus on the positives'
I've tried that.
'Get a grip'
Yep, that too.
'Everyone has bad days, tomorrow's another day'
You don't say.
Sometimes I feel like I'm a weak person
Because I can't 'get a grip'
Yet I am stronger than you realise
As sometimes, everyday is a fight.
A fight to get out of bed
A fight to get dressed
A fight to eat despite having no appetite.
A fight between my rational and irrational brain.
No one can see the pain and hurt
But it hurts.
It hurts a lot
And is exhausting.
I know I won't be like this forever
But that's sometimes difficult to believe.
How can you see the light when you don't know how long the tunnel is?
Some people don't understand mental illness.
How can you understand something you've never experienced?
And I hope they never experience it.
Some people have asthma,
Some have diabetes,
Some have a condition that needs daily medication.
Depression and anxiety are no different.
Just because you can't see my daily fight,
It doesn't mean that it's not there,
That it's not happening.
Yes there is help out there
But sometimes even asking for help is hard.
If I don't know what will help me
How can I expect anyone else to?
What do I need to feel stronger?
Time, patience and support.
It's a lonely fight sometimes.
Anna,it needn't be a lonely fight as you have the support of all your friends and family
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